So I'm in college now, going to class, behaving (yeah right), doing things I haven't done in a while or at all before. The biggest thing that I find is a problem isn't drinking, partying, illegal drug use, or women. I either am not involved in those or can handle them (I'll leave it up to the reader to find out which of those I'm not involved with). The biggest problem is sleep, the lack of it, and when to get it.
When it comes to girls, I'm where I usually am, on the edge of trouble. There are several I'm involved with and these are the problems associated with them.
In order to maintain their anonymity I'm going to avoid being to obvious with them.
In order to maintain their anonymity I'm going to avoid being to obvious with them.
Girl #1
She's really cute and sweet, has a lot of the traits of girls I've dated in the past and lacks many of the cons. She has other cons: too cute at times, a little odd, oh and she has a boyfriend. I've liked this girl for a while now and we've seen each other several times. Her boyfriend is an alright guy I guess except for the fact that she comes to me for consolation when he gets verbally violent and comes closer every time to becoming physically violent. Their highs are high and their lows are low. I don't want to be a hero so I hope it never comes to violence and she gets out unharmed. She is a long term goal.
Girl #2
She just came out of a long term relationship with a guy who turned out to be a dick from what I can tell. We hang out quite a bit and aside from a few stray kisses and one or two (or more) nights where I didn't come home till real late or maybe just the next morning nothing really serious is going on.
Girls #3 and #4
They're pretty much the same. I can't see any possibility of long term relationship. They're not my type at all. We hang out, party and maybe a little more together, but have a strict unspoken no attachement policy. We're just friends.
With all of them, especially number one, I feel weird hanging out with them. I don't know if it's guilt exactly or what it's about. With number one it's obvious that I feel a little guilty about hanging out with her when she has another guy and just waiting for him to screw up. I know what it's like to be the other guy just screwing up enough for her to go for the backup. Because he has days where he treats her like shit, I don't feel nearly that bad.
I feel worst about the thought of a long term relationship because I've noticed that I have an expiration date where all my charm dries up and I start acting like a douche bag. I'm working on that because I don't want to sink a ship and take someone down with me again. Also, miscommunication is a big problem there. Maybe I'm just trying to forget, maybe I'm just trying to learn how to not screw up and lose something that matters that much to me anymore. I find I push relationships to the point where they're all but impossible to recover.
My biggest enemy is my own mouth.
I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me
Sleep.... mmmm...
Sleeping is weird, I don't get enough sleep, and when I do, it's because I sleep at really odd hours. ROTC isn't helping because I have to get up really early and PT some mornings. The actual working out isn't very difficult at all. I just hate getting up at 0530. I sleep at random intervals during the day whenever I can and then I stay up all night.
Studying
Studying is a little rough at times, but none of my classes are that difficult.
Studying
Studying is a little rough at times, but none of my classes are that difficult.
I'll finish this later with a second post, but for now, Chick-fil-a calls me. Yum.
